Top 10 Must Haves in a College Dorm

Based on my personal experience of living in a dorm, I have constructed a basic list of the things it takes for a college dorm room to fully come together. Trying to pull this decor off in a normal, real world, home would most likely result in people judging you for being lazy, poor, or irresponsible. Lucky for you, a college dorm is not something that applies to real life, so having a complete mess of a dorm is often celebrated as being "party-central" and will most likely have the coolest tenants.


Without further interruptions, rants, or pickles, here is the Top 10 Must Haves in a College Dorm:

1. If your dorm is furnished with a dining room table, you must use said table not for eating, but for making beer can pyramids. Get to it.
2. Any and all window blinds will be harassed, fondled, kicked, cut, broken, slapped, pulled, and smashed appropriately.
3. The walls of the dorm must remain bare save for a handful of posters. These posters will contain only the following: Picture of Animal House or John Belushi in his college shirt; Naked women (or ponies if you are female); A Poster of a picture of a collage of random Beer Tops from around the world; A calender; Black Light Posters; Psychedelic Imagery.
4. Your calender will be used to keep track of important test dates and information for no more than 1 month, from that point on it will never be touched except to find the days your are out for holidays.
5. Each roommate will be incredibly stalwart when it comes to who takes out the garbage, most likely 3-5 bags of garbage will pile up before someone decides to give in to cleanliness. Same rule is applied to the dishes.
6. It is preferable for there to be a small puddle of some eerie looking, liquid substance hanging out around the Bathroom of the dorm. No roommate will own up to said puddle, but at the same time no one will clean it because "they didn't do it".
7. Ordering take-out is a staple of the college life, therefore it is imperative each person in the dorm save their takeout boxes by simply not throwing them away... ever. Taking this a step further, if you really want to draw the respect of your fellow college goers, just display the many take-out boxes in the living area of your dorm. Trust me, all will come to appreciate such an act.
8. A dorm's refrigerator must be filled with the absolute bare minimum of groceries. Upon opening your fridge, guests should be greeted by a lone ketchup bottle on the top shelf, followed by an expired gallon of milk and sandwich mystery meat. Other items in the fridge will include: moldy leftovers; that desert you brought from home during Thanksgiving but its March now; a half-eaten bowl of cereal; mustard; butter; and some stains from that drink you spilled but cant remember because you were too drunk.
9. A piece of furniture that is owned by the college should be broken in several places and put aside in the room. Perhaps a couch that doesn't hold up in the middle, or a chair missing it's legs. These broken pieces of furniture will serve as another reminder of how hardcore your dorm living actually is.
10. Clothes. Everywhere. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, their clothes, your clothes... it doesn't matter just have clothes lying about in all the places you might need them.

Follow these 10 basic steps and your dorm room can be set on the path to pure college living. Enjoy, and Happy Dorm Living!